Walls of Offenses and Bars of Contentions

In the Bible, “contentions” refers to conflicts, disputes, or quarrels among people, or unresolved grievances. Today, we will discover how to be free from bars of contentions which come through the walls of offenses we ourselves build.

Proverbs 18:19 “A brother offended is harder to win than a walled city, and contentions are like the bars of a castle.” (NKJ)

This verse identifies two traps every Christian must avoid: offences and contentions.

Let’s study the first part: “A brother offended is harder to win than a walled (strong, fortified) city.”

Have you ever wanted to talk to someone but sensed that no matter how carefully you phrased it, they would get offended? It is heartbreaking when you can’t be open or truthful with someone because you’re so concerned about how they will react. Offended people are those who have gotten their feelings hurt and put up a wall to “protect” themselves from feeling that pain again. However, that very wall they themselves have built keeps the pain in.

Colossians 3:13 Bear with one another and forgive any complaint you may have against someone else. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. (Berean)

Offended people hold on to unforgiveness and live stirred-up, angry, and agitated, with a ready-to-burst attitude. Everyone around them feels like they must walk on eggshells—careful not to say the wrong thing. How many times have you thought, “I believe the Lord has given me something to tell them, but I’m not sure how they will react?” What you’re really wondering is will they become offended.

One may think, “I would say something, but I don’t think it would be well received”? What does that mean? It means the person is wound up tight, agitated, and ready to snap at any moment. You are concerned that your words—no matter how loving—will be the very thing that makes them snap or explode.

What side of the offense do you find yourself on—the one offended or the one trying to talk to someone offended?

The offended might say: “How dare you talk to me that way! What exactly do you mean by that?” “What right do you have to say something to me—look at yourself in the mirror!

After experiencing that once or twice, many believers become unwilling to offer any help again. Offense shuts down communication, blocks correction, and makes restoration nearly impossible. Truly, an offended brother is harder to win that a fortified city.

Now, let’s look at the second part of Proverbs 18:19: “and contentions are like the bars of a castle.”

Bars do two things: they keep people from getting out and they keep people from getting in.

Contention—strife, quarrels, disputes—create spiritual prison bars, or barriers, in your life. When you get involved in any form of contention, you build barriers that hinder you from either getting to the place you should be or getting out of the situation that has ensnared you. Contention locks you in and locks others out.

How to be free from offenses and contentions

Romans 4:24-25 …It shall be imputed to us who believe in Him who raised up Jesus our Lord from the dead, 25 who was delivered up because of our offenses, and was raised because of our justification. (NKJ)

Jesus bought your freedom with the price of His own blood. As a believer, you are free—completely free—to do whatever He asks of you.

Galatians 5:1 “Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage.” (NKJ)

In other words, because Jesus paid such a precious price to make you totally free, you must guard that freedom. Do whatever it takes to avoid becoming ensnared again by any type of offense or contention. Jesus died to liberate you from all fear, sickness, poverty, depression, and every other form of bondage that the devil tries to burden you with. When we get right down to it, most of these bondages often come from pride and selfishness.

Proverbs 13:10 Only by pride cometh contention: but with the well advised is wisdom. (KJV)

Philippians 2:3 Do nothing out of selfish ambition or empty pride, but in humility consider others more important than yourselves. (Berean)

You are free to go where God tells you to go, and you are free to remain still when He tells you to wait. Nothing should hinder your obedience. Yet many Christians live restricted, weighed down, and in bondage—even though Jesus paid an awesome price for their freedom.

Romans 8:2 For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death. (NKJ)

Jesus paid too high a price for you to live behind bars or walls. Guard your heart. Refuse contention. Release offense. Protect the freedom Christ purchased for you. You are free to leave the prison cell of offense and contention.